The Alice

I think it’s about time for a 20 week update, don’t you?

It feels wonderful to be halfway there. Not only have my worry levels dropped significantly recently (thank-you hormones), I’m really pleased that the time isn’t dragging anymore. I’m concentrating on enjoying the pregnancy – easier now I look pregnant rather than a raging Krispy Kreme fan. I’m feeling a lot more like my happy, healthy self (minus the sickness bug) and all is good.

The weekend before last was a big one. Will works in the live music biz here in London, and he had a couple of nights of big shows; Faithless on Friday night followed by Simian Mobile Disco on Saturday. We had friends from Nottingham staying on Friday so dined with them at Vivat Bacchus (OK – would go again for their TopTable offer) and went on to see the show. I’m pleased to report I wore sequins (see photo, me and my gorgeous friend Su who I know reads my blog so here’s some blog fame for her!), drank a special treat glass of champagne and thoroughly enjoyed myself. I got a bit tetchy about 4am as it was slightly wearing to be the only sober party-goer, so a taxi was procured and our group retired. When we got home I went straight to bed rather than taking part in the post-night-out toast and tea/Top Gun feast.

The next night I was treated to a dinner at Gaucho with SMD and friends (I LOVE Gaucho) before meeting my brother to say ‘Happy Birthday’ and bed for 2am. What a partygoer!!

I have to admit, these two nights out plus the Baby Show on Sunday totally exhausted me, though the impending Norovirus certainly didn’t help. From now on I’m a strictly midnight-bedtime gal.

So, here’s a quick bullet-point roundup of how I’m feeling at Week 20:

- I love the movements and kicks I’m feeling! They were awful when I was sick as I had horrendous stomach cramps and they seemed to magnify them but now I’m well again I could lie back and feel my stomach all day. Unfortunately I have to go to work instead.

- I’m drinking a lot and my dehydration is well and truly under control. I haven’t had a headache since 18 weeks and have come to terms with the fact I have to pee around 12 times a day.

- The sinusitis has been really getting me down, in the cold weather my nose just won’t stop running and it seems to have spread to my ears which pop and crackle in the wind! I’m hoping this will improve in the warmer weather and if not I know it will definitely disappear when the baby comes.

- I’m sleeping like a log and feeling fresh when I wake up. It’s great and I’m making the most of it!

- I’ve had some hormonal spots along my jawline. Quite normal, aside from the fact they itch like anything and look almost like mosquito bites. OUCH.

- I lost the 6lb I gained in my second trimester with the sickness bug, but am working on getting that back. I feel lucky that I haven’t put on a lot of weight but have been making sure I get my 5 a day in moderation.

- I need to wee – very often during the day but nighttime is the worst. Will and I have swapped sides of the bed so I’m by the bedroom door and can get out to the bathroom quicker. This is making me feel weird right now, almost like we’re living in a hotel, or like we’ve re-decorated our bedroom or something…

- I need to wee so much because I’m so bloody thirsty all the time. I’ve noticed that when I’m thirsty I get very headachey and tired; there’s definitely a correlation between this and dehydration.

- I have definitely started feeling the baby, I can now tell the difference between my stomach gurgling and baby movements! Daddy got to feel a kick today, too. I’m really looking forward to the movements becoming more obvious – baby seems to be asleep a lot of the time at the moment (like her mummy) and I’m eager for her to be more wriggly!

- My sleeping pattern has never been so sensible and settled as it is at the moment. I go to bed around 10.30 and am asleep just before midnight, and then up again around 8. I still find mornings difficult, but then I did before the pregnancy so I don’t think this is a baby thing. I just don’t like getting up…

- My appetite is back! Aside from the roast potatoes and mayo craving, I’m also eating a packet of salt and vinegar squares every day and I’ve gone from hating the sight of crumpets to not being able to get enough of them.

- I’m happy! So happy, compared with my mood two to three weeks ago. I know this has a lot to do with getting so much more satisfying sleep but I feel like a cloud has been lifted. I’m no longer worrying and am able to happily get on at work a lot more. I feel so contented, and it’s a wonderful feeling.

Brilliant news – I think my first trimester exhaustion is on its way out. I can’t even begin to describe how debilitating I have found this, the strain on my brain felt enormous and I had so many “I can’t do this anymore” wobbles. It was a massive shock; I was prepared for morning sickness but nobody warned me about the bone-crunching fatigue. After six weeks of hell I am SO GLAD it’s over.

Bad news – the exhaustion has been replaced by insomnia. All week I have been awake til at least 4am, though it was 5am on Sunday and Tuesday. I’m putting it down to the stress of moving house tomorrow as Will is in charge, therefore I do not get to be a control freak. It’s disconcerting – nagging is my forte and I’m lost without it. We’re going down to the estate agents this evening to sign paperwork and pick up the keys, tomorrow I will leave our lovely De Beauvoir flat for the final time and return to our new Muswell Hill abode. Need to make the most of the 15 minute commute one last time.

Aside from the moving worry, I seem to have a whole host of baby-themed concerns buzzing round in my head in the early hours. Last night, these included:
a) how do I get a new baby in a pram down lots of steps on to a train platform?
b) how do I get a new baby in a pram up and down the escalator on the tube?
c) can I wear high heels when I’m carrying the baby or will it mean I drop it (I’m not great at balancing)?
d) how do I watch out for dog poo when I’m pushing a pram? How do I clean dog poo off pram wheels?
e) how do you get baby sick out of silk?
f) how can I justify buying the £60 sweater dress I like in American Apparel?

As you can see, it’s really serious stuff. Send help.

- Photo Memes – looooove…. ahhhh… SOB.

- John Lewis’s baby department – there is just so much stuff in there, it totally overwhelmed me and I had to be taken to Topshop to calm down.

- Glee – I have no excuse for this one and for that I am truly apologetic.

- My bank statement – “how are we going to afford a baby??!!”  and other irrational thoughts are keeping me up until the early hours.

- My tiredness – when will it stop?

- My scan photographs –  because baby is beautiful.

- Will, just not understanding me – irrational? Hormones? Moi?

Photo credit – Roadside Guitars

The date January 4th had been in our minds for the last 6 weeks; once Christmas and New Year were done with it was a short countdown to this day and our 12 week safety-point scan. Not as significant as it might have been following our 10 week scan at the EPU (I just HAD to tell the whole world once we had a photo), but it was still magnificent.

The staff at UCLH have really impressed me so far – everyone has been so caring, sympathetic and professional. With the exception of the the phlebotomist who I thought was scary and mean at first, but after she sang Duffy at me throughout my last blood test I realise she’s just pleasantly nuts. Plus, if I can’t feel her taking my blood, she must be good. So every trip to the hospital right now feels to me like a holiday to EuroDisney, including the waiting (though I make this worse myself by insisting on being half an hour early to every appointment).

It’s mandatory to have two doctors present at your ‘milestone’ ultrasounds at UCH (is this what happens in other hospitals?) both confirming the health of baby, and my pair of doctors yesterday were great. According to them our baby is beautiful and perfect, music to our ears. They really took their time showing us different parts of baby, and we saw 10 fingers, 10 toes, a brain, eyes with lenses, lips, nose, ears, spine, legs, arms, the heart (157 bpm), a bladder and stomach… in short, everything is where it should be.

Our due date has been slightly adjusted to 21st July, making it pretty much guaranteed that baby will make an appearance on my 25th birthday (25th July), because I’m not good at sharing and Karma hates me like that.

Surprisingly they were able to take a guess at the sex of baby… it’s a GIRL! At least they are 60-70% sure, not enough for me to be calling baby ’she’ or buying pink stuff, but good to know. Of course I would be happy either way but I was sure I could feel girl vibes from my uterus. And everyone knows mum’n'daughter matching outfits are cute

Roll on 21st July… I can’t wait to meet our baby.

- Potato waffles with vinegar and a lot of salt
- M&S Bacon-wrapped cheese Christmas canapes (though M&S not open so had to improvise with ingredients from the corner shop)
- Pancakes
- Pies (when watching The Waitress – had to improvise with toast as no pie ingredients in house and 11pm)
- Cheesy twists (total morning sickness-at-3am lifesaver)
- Plain pasta with olive oil and butter (dinner for a fortnight when I was too sick to eat anything else apart from toast and cheesy twists)

Not much difference between this and the 10+4 belly, but I really have to stop wearing exercise pants. They aren’t sexy.

I was wrong when I thought I would be totally laid back about this pregnancy. Every twinge, every waning symptom has me running to Google and re-testing with my pee sticks, or calling NHS direct in a state of panic.

Our booking in appointment at UCH was fantastic. We were allocated a student midwife, which I was dubious of at first, but she was just lovely and able to answer our questions well. I mentioned to her the dropping off of my painful boobs (I’m able to lie on my stomach again, total revelation) as well as a faint pregnancy test (why? Why? Why? have I still been testing at 10 weeks pregnant? All credit to the midwives at UCH who they didn’t ask this question, I sure as hell would have). Still, the fact that the line was a lot weaker than my earlier tests worried me horribly.

They took my worries seriously and marched me down to the Early Pregnancy Unit for a scan. Internet, we have a baby:

It has arms and legs that were moving! A head! An umbilical cord! And what looks like a football, but is apparently a yolk.

I would like to write about how the tiredness that has taken over my life is still… well, taking over my life, but the happiness is overriding that.

So here’s the belly at 10 weeks 4 days. There’s the start of something baby in there, but I would like to know when this mysterious ‘glow’ will arrive. Right now all I want to do is sleep and vomit.

Before I got pregnant, I really thought it was a fairly easy process. I thought my boobs would grow slightly as they do once a month, I might crave some weird foods, I’d avoid alcohol, grow a cute belly and pop out a gorgeous baby after 9 months. I thought if I had morning sickness, it would be just that, a little bit of throwing up in the morning which I would be happy to deal with knowing there was a baby at the end of it.

Nobody told me about the bone-numbing tiredness, the total fatigue that would have me sleeping at my desk if I could. I didn’t know about the constipation, that morning sickness could be not only in the morning but all day (and night). I didn’t know that I would lose weight, having gone off all food (apart from cheese straws), and that my husband would force feed me my 5 a day. I didn’t anticipate my boobs to hurt SO MUCH that every time I roll over in bed I would wince. And most importantly, I didn’t know how badly I would suffer with the worry that something, anything, could go wrong at any moment.

Last week I noticed a drop-off in my symptoms, and Googling this at 2am was not a good idea. I managed to get an emergency appointment with my GP the next morning, and she decided that this, coupled with my cramps (which have been consistent the last three weeks) warranted an early scan the next day. If I said I was terrified that would have been an understatement.

We went off to hospital the next day with a full bladder, where horrendously they were running half an hour late. I have never ever needed to pee so badly in my entire life. When we were finally called in, the sonographer couldn’t find anything because my bladder was too big! I had to half empty it for another try, but still nothing, so I then had to empty it completely for an internal scan.

Our baby looked amazing. Measuring slightly small for our dates (7+2), they estimated the baby to be closer to 6+4, but this date will be re-estimated at my next scan on 4th January. Everything was perfect. Baby is in the right place, there is a healthy flickering heartbeat and my womb and ovaries are totally normal.

And to quash my worrying further, yesterday my symptoms came back with a vengance.

Relief.