The Alice

My new badge will be making its debut on a rush hour Victoria line tube tomorrow…

Does age matter when it comes to having children?

I was Skyping with Will and my sister in law a couple of days ago, when the conversation turned to M.I.L.F.S. (as my mum has always been one). SIL mentioned how crazy it was that one of her friend’s mums is coming up to her 50th birthday, which at the age of 26 to her felt strange. My immediate reaction was also one of ‘crikey, she must have been young when she gave birth’, but after discussing it further we realised she would have been 24. As in my age. As in the age I will be when Baby H arrives (should she arrive on time – if she comes 4 days or more later I will be 25).

I was surprised at how much of a shock this was to me – I hadn’t thought far in advance to how old I would be when baby ‘grows up’.

I’ve already noticed a slight age difference between myself and the other mums-to-be in the waiting room at the hospital, and I imagine that I will notice this more and more when baby arrives. I fully expect to be one of the younger mums at baby groups and the school gates, especially within the area we live in. This doesn’t bother me at all as I’ve always felt slightly wise beyond my years (hah! – others may disagree) and some of my very best friends are older than me (hi, Su!). But will it make me a better mother?

I don’t think it will. I think it may make me a different kind of mother, but not a better one. I’ve been working for 7 years now and feel accomplished with my career so I don’t feel I’ve missed out in that respect, and I’m lucky enough to work in a sector that I’ll be able to keep in touch with from home. Will and I have been a couple for 7 years so I don’t feel that we need any more time as a couple before we bring children into our little family. I’ve never travelled, but I’ve never felt the need to – I much prefer holidays, infinity pools and good restaurants to backpacks and hostels! I’m slightly regretful that we don’t own a property in London, though with prices the way they are and no desire to move outside the city, who knows when this would have happened?

I hope my age will mean I’m energetic, fun and trusting of my instincts when bringing up our children.

How old were you when you became a mum (or a dad)? Do you think it was the right age for you?

The above photo is of Su, me and Will – it was snapped on my 21st birthday (we’d just attended a ball with my mum and dad and brother) and to say we were worse for wear is an understatement!

- We’ve had a really sad week in our household, meaning I’ve been slightly absent from reading and writing blogs for a while. My father-in-law is very very poorly with lung and liver cancer so Will flew out to be with his parents in where they live in Greece at the first chance last week. I have stayed at home to hold the fort baby-wise; he wants me to avoid the 24 hour tube-plane-bus-taxi-ferry journey and stress of the situation for the baby’s sake so I am hanging in here being brave. I really wish I was there to help him through it but I know he has his sisters and his mum, my part will come when he gets home.

- Because of the situation I went to stay with my parents in Buckinghamshire over the weekend and had a lovely time. My mum and I went shopping – the Bugaboo Bee + has been ordered for delivery before work tomorrow (a very very generous gift from her and my dad) – and I just couldn’t help buying a couple of outfits in the sale at Baby Gap. I also now have all the gnarly essentials for my hospital bag such as disposable knickers and sanitary towels the size of Wales, as well as more fun bits and pieces like a baby bath and teeny tiny newborn socks.

- My worry has been manifesting itself on eBay the last couple of days and I have splurged a bit – cellular blankets, cot linen, vests, and I at some point decided that it would be a good idea to start stocking up on 12-18 month sized clothing…. I’m sure Will isn’t going to be too impressed at the state of my Paypal account on his return but I am starting to feel prepared. One of my aims is to finish the nursery and have pretty much everything we need by 30 weeks; I want to spend my maternity leave relaxing as much as possible (9 WEEKS TO GO!).

- The bump seems to be growing at an incredible rate and someone called me ‘madam’ when he offered me his seat on the tube last week. I felt about 60, which would probably be in line with my lung capacity right now which seems to be shrinking every day. My pelvis and back pain are also BAD right now, I literally feel like someone has whacked me in the nether regions with a cricket bat. It hurts to sit in my chair at work, it hurts to sit on the sofa, it hurts to walk, it hurts to turn in bed, IT HURTS.

- On a lighter note, I can feel the baby from the outside at regular intervals now. I had a couple of days last week where I didn’t think there was a lot of movement, though now I think she had just adjusted her position and was kicking in a different, less sensitive place. She often moves around my belly button, and I can feel something hard in that area. Either her head or her bum I’d guess, I’m not sure, but it sure it fun to freak my work colleagues out by making them feel it.

We both love food. A bit too much sometimes… portion control is not our forte, but we are definitely one of those families who eat for pleasure rather than just nutrition. Every meal in our house is thought about and cooked with love for maximum taste – 90% of the time we make our scrambled eggs with double cream (naughty but so good) and stacks of black pepper and they’re always served with toast made from homemade bread. Our love of food is one thing I’m really looking forward to passing onto our kids.

Naturally, eating out is one of our favourite hobbies and one we indulged in a couple of times a week B.C. (before conception). These days not so much – for one thing I’m knackered in the evenings and would rather slump in front of the TV with a plate of home made grub and for another, we stay away from restaurants in the name of money saving. However, I’ve been advised by goodness knows how many mums to eat out as much as possible before baby comes as it won’t be so easy to do afterwards.

One massively memorable meal that will stay with me for a long time is when we went to L’atelier de Joel Robuchon, I was 8 weeks pregnant. It was a Friday night, my fatigue and sickness was unreal, but we had a friend over from Denmark who wanted to treat us and hello – 3 Michelin Stars! I would have crawled there if necessary (thankfully, it wasn’t, but it was a close call at times). I’m glad I went as I got to sample some truly marvellous food; quail with the tiniest taste of fois gras, pig trotter on parmesan toast, lamb cutlets and Robuchon’s famed truffle creamed potatoes. However, my stomach did not enjoy the experience having been fed nothing richer than plain pasta for the previous three weeks, and MAN was I jealous of the boys’ wine.

Then there was Nobu on New Year’s Eve where again I had to make an effort to keep my eyes open at the dinner table (I was home and in bed by 12.30am) and spent the day Googling ‘can pregnant women eat sushi’. Yes they can! But only a very small amount of tuna (mercury can be a risk).

When I got my appetite back it was the biggest relief – not being able to enjoy food was really one of the worst things that could have happened to me. I still get a bit sore that I don’t get to sip more than one small glass of wine, but that won’t be forever. For now, I’m happy to try and sample some more restaurants.

Last week I had the big treat of dining out with the wonderfully hilarious NotesToSelf . I realised shortly before meeting her that I barely visit restaurants without Will, so I really enjoyed some girl time and pregnancy gossip.

This Saturday I visited Jamie’s Italian at Canary Wharf with my three sister-in-laws and Will. I would recommend it to anyone; I was worried it might not compare favourably to Pizza East (which I love), but the food was surprisingly very different. Rustic, as Pizza East is, but in a different way. The pasta is all made on-site (I had wild mushroom, delicious) and their crispy squid flavoured with fennel seeds is to die for. I thought their Italian meat selection was really good value (though I couldn’t eat much of it, or the lovely looking buffalo mozarella) and their risotta balls… mmmmm.

When Baby H arrives I think it’ll be a challenge for us to dine anywhere other than home (or maybe Pizza Express) for a while so we really need to make the most of London’s restaurants in the next couple of months. I’d like to try:

- Caravan, Exmouth Market – this place had had such a great reception from the food blogging community, I really need to try it.
- Saf – I want to take some veggie friends of ours to this botanical restaurant.
- Centrepoint Sushi – I LOVE this place. Love love love.
- Hix Oyster and Chop House- I’ve never eaten here but always wanted to, it’s right next door to Will’s office.
- 32 Great Queen Street – we met friends here for drinks here a couple of weeks ago and the food looks awesome. This great review from London Eater clinched it.

My mouth is watering already….

- Firstly, I am so relieved to be at the 24 week viability stage! Especially after watching a particularly emotional episode of One Born Every Minute last week (there was a 23 week old baby in the neonatal unit). I feel like a weight has been lifted.

- My sleep has gone crazy again. I’ve had a couple of very late nights worrying (I’m afraid I have to blame this book – it had me concerned that we weren’t being frugal enough) and this morning I woke for the day at 5am having had a particularly vivid dream about zombies. Weird.

- My sinuses, oh my god. On a bad day I can’t wake up when I breathe and by the end of the day the pain has spread from my nose to my forehead and feels like an elastic band tightening round my brain. I am so sick of blowing my nose and earache!

- We took a trip to the hospital early last week (first time visiting the Labour ward!) because I felt like I’d pulled a muscle in my stomach overnight, and the following day I hadn’t felt any movements from Baby H at all. Of course as soon as we sat down in the waiting room baby started kicking, but we stayed to get checked out – anyway. There was a heartstopping couple of minutes whilst the midwife found baby’s heartbeat, but it was nice and strong after that. Baby has been kicking, punching, rolling and twisting ever since.

- I have a big bump! Finally! None of the miserable commuter bastards on my train noticed yesterday morning when I was feeling particularly exhausted and desperate for a seat, but I blame their tendency to avoid eye contact for that.

- My lower back still hurts pretty much all the time. The less said about the better (though I enjoy my nightly back rubs from Will).

- I have gone up 12lbs from my pre-pregnancy weight, which feels like a lot but I know is really quite average. I’m trying not to treat my mouth like a personal dustbin (I have eaten what I want, when I want ever since I got over the initial sickness) and am on a bit of a health kick. This means cereal for breakfast, mid-morning granola and yoghurt, salads for lunch and a healthy dinner. I’m still allowed my McDonald treats after my blood tests though… and pudding. And easter eggs.

- I’ve had a lot more bad moods (sorry Will, I love you for being nice to me even when I’m mean). I blame the lack of sleep and sinus pain.

- I have less than 10 working weeks left in the office. Not that I’m counting or anything…

Ever since my bump has popped I’ve noticed real attitude changes in the way people react to me. Aside from the usual comments from work colleagues (I get at least one remark about how big I’ve gotten every day), it’s fascinating to see the way strangers in the street react to me.

Men, specifically ones around 30 – 40, seem terrified of the bump; they back away from it, with a horrified look on their face. One guy I encountered on the way into Pret a couple of days ago practically leaped out of my way, his eyes fixed on my belly. I think this is down to pregnancy being the great unknown for a single man – a stellar example of this is one of my work colleagues who is terrified of ‘womb juice’ as his calls it.

Builders react well to the bump. I get my morning catcalls and winks, though thinking about this it might be the two expanding lumps above the bump that get them going more than the baby belly?

Mums like the bump – they give me smiles and “good mornings” – I like this a lot more than my builder’s greetings.

My mum LOVES the bump and rubs it like a genie’s lamp when we get together. I don’t mind her touching it and have been lucky enough not to get total strangers put their hands on my tummy, but I’ve heard some horror stories about this. I tend to let people I know (and like) touch it because pregnant bellies are pretty fascinating and they always ask first, but touch it without asking and I might have to bite your hand off.

Finally, I think Will is the one who is most in love with the bump. He gets to touch it as much as he wants and he doesn’t even have to ask first. That’s a good thing because I’m going to get him to take over cocoa butter rubbing duties (really helps with the mad itching).

It makes my back hurt, but I love it too:

I am so sick.

Sick of waking up every morning at 6am because I can’t breathe through my nose and my sinuses are screaming.

Sick of constantly worrying that the baby isn’t OK, that something bad will happen and it will all go wrong.

Sick of worrying that nobody will want to hire me freelance and I will have to go back to working in an office full time.

Sick of trying so so hard to organize our finances yet 7 year old bills coming back to ruin my week and make me feel like a naughty immature bad-with-money teenager.

Sick of caring that my thighs are getting bigger and I can see the beginnings of cellulite. It shouldn’t, and doesn’t, matter.

Sick of being tired.

And very very sick that I’m not able to make everything seem better with a couple of glasses of wine.

A belated post on Mother’s Day: though not technically a mother yet the day did not go unnoticed or uncelebrated.

It began with breakfast in bed and a couple of cards:

One from Will (with a soppy message that I won’t re-print as I don’t want to threaten his hard-man persona) and one from Baby H.

We then had a great day of lounging round in our pyjamas watching crap TV, Skyping the in-laws and de-cluttering our lives on to eBay. I believe we watched 8 episodes of Come Dine With Me (my favourite) before Will decided he couldn’t take any more and we had to switch to some Sky+ goodies.

It was a very good day.

————————–

I’d also like to say Happy Birthday to my very own Mum – next year will be her first as a Grandma! She also had a good day today (I think) at the Rugby in Cardiff with Dad. Luckily the flowers I ordered for delivery today (doh) still found their way to their house despite them not being there. Here she is with Dad (looking like a massively camp snooker player or magician) at Christmas time:

Anyway, HAPPY BIRTHDAY MUM, I love you very much. You’re the best Mum in the world, and will be the best Grandma, too xxxx

With only 17 weeks to go now I feel it’s time to legitimately begin decorating the nursery. Taking inspiration from Young Mummy’s gorgeous book-themed nursery, I want Baby H to have a stimulating, girly and interesting room; she will sleep in our room for the first six months of her life so it will be initially treated as a nursery/playroom.

So far we have a white cot and chest of drawers. I think I’ve convinced Will that he should be building a built-in wardrobe in the bedroom alcove though with his track record in DIY I think he’ll need a hand from Grandpa-to-be. An antique desk inherited from family will be a changing unit with some small adjustments and the neutral carpet will be jazzed up with a rug.

(Note: I’ve shamed myself into posting the ‘before’ photo, taken just after we moved in! The room has improved massively even since then – though it’s currently serving as a storage area for the high heels I can’t wear anymore. Those awful opressive curtains that came with the house have been replaced with neutral white which makes the room immediately seem bigger and brighter).

On my shopping list so far:
Ridiculously girly fairy lights
Laura Ashley bunting
A ‘Keep Calm and Carry On’ pink poster
Some pretty storage boxes
A cherry blossom decal

I was browsing birthday cards this morning and I found some gorgeous ones that were the result of a collaboration between Rob Ryan and Roger la Borde. Rob Ryan is a brilliant artist whose shop is based on the lovely Columbia Road (which is where we used to live, back in the day when a warehouse studio apartment with massive windows and one storage heater seemed like a good idea). His art is based around laser cut silhouettes and lovely words – the one I found this morning might have brought a tear to my eye:

‘You were in my head but now you are in my heart, please stay there forever’

He has around 7 greetings cards with Roger la Borde and luckily enough three of these are pink-themed. I’m going to frame these three (the one above will take pride of place in the middle) and hang them above the cot. Hopefully my hormones will have calmed down to the degree that I don’t weep every time I see it.

Where did you get your ideas for your children’s nurseries? I’d love more inspiration!

- I’ve noticed in the past week or so I am having moments of realisation that a little person will be arriving into our cosy family of 2 in July. Yes – it’s all becoming real. I’m still trying to concentrate on the practicalities of becoming a parent (if I didn’t do this then I’d get too excited, and when I’m excited I can’t sleep = I’m going to have enough sleep depravation with the baby). But still, right now I’m feeling a little bit ‘oh my god we’re having a baby’! It’s not quite 100% real yet, I reckon I’m 70% of the way there.

- Our 20 week scan was fine – although it was at 22 weeks. I fear we may have seemed like the most heartless parents ever as we didn’t get very excited; we’ve now had 7 scans thanks to my risk of pre-eclampsia and have been lucky enough to know the sex since week 14 and watch babies development very closely. However, our last pre-eclampsia scan was 4 days before our 20 week scan so we were given an identical tour of my uterus. I now know it like the back of my hand.

- Baby is still a girl. Excellent! She’s been breech since about 15 weeks and still is now, but I’m hopeful that she’ll turn before delivery.

- My cervix looks great (in fact, it’s 32mm long I believe – now that was something new to look at yesterday). This puts my risk of early delivery at a teeny tiny 1%!

- The headaches have arrived. Once a day, mostly behind my right eye. It’s not my blood pressure (which is still fairly low), it’s not dehydration (I’m chugging as much water as my shrunken bladder can carry), I reckon it’s either linked to my sinuses or hormones. The doctors aren’t worried, so neither am I.

- I’ve switched to using a sensible across-the-body handbag and have been wearing sensible shoes ever since my fall last week – I never thought I’d be self-imposing a ban on high heels. In all seriousness it was a really scary experience and one I wouldn’t like to go through again.

- My mood is constantly good. I wake up in the morning feeling happy and go to bed feeling happy. Its brilliant!

- I’ve noticed that I have to get everything done that I want to in a day before around 9pm, as that’s the time I crash and burn. Once I’ve collapsed on the sofa post-9 there’s no getting me back up again.

- I’m HUNGRY. All the time!

(Go and check out this week’s carnival at Baby Baby – I’m there for the first time this week!)