The Alice

…and what have I learned?

I now know how to change a nappy in 30 seconds – something I’d never done before baby Elfie came along. I know that it’s a lot easier to get up after only 4 hours sleep if you didn’t have 8 shots of sambucca the night before. I know that non-maternity jeans are actually fairly uncomfortable and if I had it my way I would wear soft jersey 24/7 (but I like clothes to much to do this). I know it’s bloody hard work to look after a baby, house and husband, and how do mothers of twins do it? (Young Mummy, I’m looking at you. You are my absolute hero). I know there’s always washing, housework, baby entertainment or cooking to be done. I know that being a stay-at-home mum is the hardest job I’ve ever had!

I also know how wonderful it is to see Elfie come on every day, how proud I felt when she woke only once in the night instead ofher usual twice (she hasn’t done this since, unfortunately). It’s amazing to watch her eyes take in the world around her, to be the one who gives her baths when she stops screaming and starts loving splashing around in the water. I can tell she’s just about to smile for real – we have lots of sleep and fart smiles so I’m sure this is just around the corner.

I’ve learned I miss work a lot more than I ever expected – ridiculously I miss the feeling of making a difference, of being ’important’ in the work world. I’ve missed all the festivals – Field Day, where I was really looking forward to Phoenix, and Will’s first solo event. I’ll miss London Fashion Week again this year (I missed the last one as I was suffering pregnancy-induced exhaustion) and I’m still getting email invites to lots of fantastic parties that I’m unable to attend.

However, most importantly I’ve learned that right now I wouldn’t change a thing.

- I’ve noticed in the past week or so I am having moments of realisation that a little person will be arriving into our cosy family of 2 in July. Yes – it’s all becoming real. I’m still trying to concentrate on the practicalities of becoming a parent (if I didn’t do this then I’d get too excited, and when I’m excited I can’t sleep = I’m going to have enough sleep depravation with the baby). But still, right now I’m feeling a little bit ‘oh my god we’re having a baby’! It’s not quite 100% real yet, I reckon I’m 70% of the way there.

- Our 20 week scan was fine – although it was at 22 weeks. I fear we may have seemed like the most heartless parents ever as we didn’t get very excited; we’ve now had 7 scans thanks to my risk of pre-eclampsia and have been lucky enough to know the sex since week 14 and watch babies development very closely. However, our last pre-eclampsia scan was 4 days before our 20 week scan so we were given an identical tour of my uterus. I now know it like the back of my hand.

- Baby is still a girl. Excellent! She’s been breech since about 15 weeks and still is now, but I’m hopeful that she’ll turn before delivery.

- My cervix looks great (in fact, it’s 32mm long I believe – now that was something new to look at yesterday). This puts my risk of early delivery at a teeny tiny 1%!

- The headaches have arrived. Once a day, mostly behind my right eye. It’s not my blood pressure (which is still fairly low), it’s not dehydration (I’m chugging as much water as my shrunken bladder can carry), I reckon it’s either linked to my sinuses or hormones. The doctors aren’t worried, so neither am I.

- I’ve switched to using a sensible across-the-body handbag and have been wearing sensible shoes ever since my fall last week – I never thought I’d be self-imposing a ban on high heels. In all seriousness it was a really scary experience and one I wouldn’t like to go through again.

- My mood is constantly good. I wake up in the morning feeling happy and go to bed feeling happy. Its brilliant!

- I’ve noticed that I have to get everything done that I want to in a day before around 9pm, as that’s the time I crash and burn. Once I’ve collapsed on the sofa post-9 there’s no getting me back up again.

- I’m HUNGRY. All the time!

(Go and check out this week’s carnival at Baby Baby – I’m there for the first time this week!)

There has been more of the drama llama in the H household this week.

As I am a clumsy elephant-footed type of person, I was very careful throughout the cold winter and slowly and carefully tiptoed in the ice and snow – no accidents. Goodness knows how I managed to fall over my own feet on Tuesday night and spectacularly hit the decks in front of a group of city boys by Old Street station. Ouch.

I went home for a remedial bath and some comfort eating, after an early night I thought I’d be fine. But the next morning I was having a few stomach twinges and I was convinced baby’s movements had slowed down. I went to my local GP where the not-so-kind receptionist made me cry, and with no appointments I hopped to the Maternity unit at the hospital.

One gruelling 2 and a half hour wait later (they lost my notes. Twice.) I saw a midwife and everything was deemed OK. I was sent home for bed rest (not before treating myself to a naughty McDonalds, shhhh I’d had a hard day) and felt very sorry for myself for the rest of the afternoon.

It was such a relief to hear that baby is OK – I really went through the mill emotions-wise at the time and felt so drained afterwards. This mothering stuff is hard!

Will came home with a lovely M&S meal of fishcakes, green beans and potatoes – yum. He totally surprised me with pudding and presented me with this:

For the last week I have been craving a banana split like my Dad used to make me when I was younger, but could not for the life of me find the ‘correct’ chocolate sauce (has to be dark chocolate!). Lovely lovely Will found the ingredients for me and surprised me with that masterpiece. It was delicious, I spilled it over my lap and didn’t care.

This morning, for some reason I woke up feeling very tired and grouchy. I got ready for work and started my day. I couldn’t shake the bad mood – work certainly didn’t help – and I came home still feeling tired and grouchy.

My husband got home early tonight, and did the washing up I’d neglected last night because he knew how tired I was. He called me at work to ask if I wanted him to start on dinner – I said no, because I’d promised pancakes for dinner (and I am the master of pancakes, I have a secret recipe and everything).

I got home from work and slouched on the sofa and had a crumpet and a cup of tea brought to me by my husband as a reward for my hard day. I watched what I wanted on TV, whilst peeling and chopping the apples for the filling of my pancakes. It turned out I was too tired to drag myself to the kitchen to make the actual pancakes so my husband did it, following the instructions I had written down for him. He painstakingly made and served my pancakes but let me put the filling in myself (knowing what a control freak I am, I like things done a certain way!).

He watched the Brits with me for the full 2 hours, and even engaged in meaningless conversations with me about the clothes, performances, the stage sets and who would win.

After that he went back to the kitchen and did all the washing up (though this could have also been an avoidance tactic as I wanted to watch One Born Every Minute). The kitchen is now pretty clean.

He is currently in the lounge at 11.30pm doing all the work he should have done this evening when he was looking after me.

This post is to remind me what a wonderful man Will is; I must stop letting my hormones get the better of me, stop being so grouchy and start remembering how very lucky I am to have him. When I get tired I have a habit of taking it out on him, especially now I’m pregnant, and I really dislike it. I will be a more understanding wife from now on.

* I must also remember last night, when Will escorted me to the toilet at my request. You see, getting up at 1am the night before I was sure there was a ghost in the bathroom and I was scared of going on my own again. I don’t even really believe in ghosts. Poor man.

- I need to wee – very often during the day but nighttime is the worst. Will and I have swapped sides of the bed so I’m by the bedroom door and can get out to the bathroom quicker. This is making me feel weird right now, almost like we’re living in a hotel, or like we’ve re-decorated our bedroom or something…

- I need to wee so much because I’m so bloody thirsty all the time. I’ve noticed that when I’m thirsty I get very headachey and tired; there’s definitely a correlation between this and dehydration.

- I have definitely started feeling the baby, I can now tell the difference between my stomach gurgling and baby movements! Daddy got to feel a kick today, too. I’m really looking forward to the movements becoming more obvious – baby seems to be asleep a lot of the time at the moment (like her mummy) and I’m eager for her to be more wriggly!

- My sleeping pattern has never been so sensible and settled as it is at the moment. I go to bed around 10.30 and am asleep just before midnight, and then up again around 8. I still find mornings difficult, but then I did before the pregnancy so I don’t think this is a baby thing. I just don’t like getting up…

- My appetite is back! Aside from the roast potatoes and mayo craving, I’m also eating a packet of salt and vinegar squares every day and I’ve gone from hating the sight of crumpets to not being able to get enough of them.

- I’m happy! So happy, compared with my mood two to three weeks ago. I know this has a lot to do with getting so much more satisfying sleep but I feel like a cloud has been lifted. I’m no longer worrying and am able to happily get on at work a lot more. I feel so contented, and it’s a wonderful feeling.